Almost Dying & Finding Gratitude

The story of how I became fascinated with positive psychology

I wrote this originally as a senior in HS, for (you guessed it) a college application. A more contemporary reflection and continuation of the story will follow.

On April 20th of 2013, I awoke to the smells of crisp mountain air, pancakes and maple syrup. I was on vacation in the Sierras and about to go mountain biking with a friend. Despite this idyllic situation, I felt somehow stagnant. I was frustrated, expecting myself to be happy and not understanding why I was not.

As we pedaled into the woods, our rocky trail unexpectedly transitioned into icy, thigh-deep snow. We trudged, carrying our bikes in search of a way out. The sparkling landscape initially instilled a sense of exhilaration that faded as we discovered that we could not stay ahead of nightfall or the dropping temperature. Abandoning our pride, we attempted to reach Search and Rescue through a spotty cell connection. At 10 pm I began to fear that I would not survive the night.

Later, as I melted into the seat of the Search and Rescue truck, muscles groaning and head spinning, I was grateful to be alive and deeply happy. I realized that my happiness was dependent not on my external circumstances (spending a day in the mountains) but on my internal attitude. Choosing to be grateful made me happy. This spurred my curiosity. I began to read research in positive psychology and became fascinated with the "science of happiness". I learned that happier and more positive people are more creative, productive, and adept at solving complex problems. I also learned that positivity can be intentionally cultivated through specific and simple habits such as the practice of gratefulness. The more I learned and practiced, the more positivity became a core part of my identity. Since then, I have prioritized sharing what I have learned with those around me.

Bringing habits of positivity to my competitive robotics team was a challenge. Initially, I was scorned by a lead mentor who said I was naïve for thinking that positivity belonged in the real engineering world. I was hurt but not defeated. As a Sophomore and a new member of the robotics team's leadership, I listened to fellow leaders criticize a presentation rehearsal for twenty minutes. The presenters received no praise for their work, even though it had taken hundreds of hours to prepare and was overall well done. That evening, I wrote an email to the leaders. Here is an excerpt:

“While coaching the chairman's team today, I noticed that our feedback was specific, but no positive comments were given. This made me think about our team’s atmosphere, and how increasing its positivity could have a huge impact on our productivity. Many successful corporations (Google, Microsoft, Amazon, etc.) recognize this. […] If we are more positive, we will (according to studies) be more creative, make more efficient decisions, and get better results. I think that as leaders, we need to model more positivity...”

Fortunately, I was later able to see the impact of my efforts. Students and mentors have become more balanced in their criticism and praise. Humor became an ever-stronger part of our team culture; the walls of the programmers' room display numerous XKCD comics. I helped create and maintain a new tradition for the leadership team: one of us brings homemade food to each leadership meeting. By frequently asking teammates how they are doing, I have influenced many of them to do the same with each other. These practices increase social investment. The mentor who once dismissed my positivity as naïveté now values it, and was deeply engaged in the workshop I organized on Optimism in Leadership. Although I don't take credit for all of the improvements, I am excited to see that my efforts have helped my peers and team develop.

I am grateful for what I experienced in the mountains that prompted me to learn, practice and teach positivity. And I am grateful for the chance to tell this story.

Reflection

It’s interesting to note that this story still represents the most profound transition point in my life–which is notable because I’ve changed a lot since that bike ride: I’ve fallen in love with design, become an avid outdoorsperson, become passionate about gender equity (link), lived alone for three months in Switzerland, lost love, found love, and more… but in some ways, not much has changed. I've continued to learn about positive psychology: through research in Switzerland, starting and running a positive psychology club at Dartmouth, building it into a "designing your life" HCD curriculum, reading about it, etc. Perhaps more important than my lasting interest in the science, however, is my lasting sense of gratitude, which affects the way I experience the world every single day.